Saturday, December 31, 2011


Came from my dusty dA account and read the last journal i wrote. Something about how depressing 2010 was as I didn't set myself up what I had to do.

That sort of sums up a lot when u think about it......what was worse 2010 or 2011?

Definitely both major depressing years of my life but I felt more it was the period between November 2010 - August 2011..... I seriously had nothing on my to do list and spent the entire time trying to re evaluate my life.. There really is nothing more frightening than being in such a position......funny worked out according to my 3 year theory.......2014 can fuck off

So what have I actually done this year? Gotten into a Bach course for one took me long enough but I'm finally there...bah almost 4 years later....
Haven't really done much personal work as back in March I was unhappy with my drawing ability and started manically filling up sketch books....think i did about 6 for 2011.....Which i feel isnt enough but definitely something, an epic improvement on my behalf. God do ppl and what do ppl do when they work 18 hours of practice a day? I gotta get into that habit...But aside from sketching, life drawing and school work I really haven't been able to think up any ideas for animation...I guess I still have the anatomy piece to think of but until then. Guess it's something i can look into for 2012 (also need more art supplies sigh).

So far i've bought myself 2 years and whilst I should be comfortable about it and can't help but think that I shouldn't take the time given easy..

For 2012 at least I need and a car and a job......bah fuck ..

For one thing though I can at least agree that i feel much better with myself than I was exactly one year ago, and though I may not be at the point in my life where I want to be right now I can at least say that i'm in a better position and feeling more optimistic and smarter than i was one year ago.

Sunday, December 11, 2011


So after a week has a past I reflect on the last 3 months that I............Or year that i had for 2011.
Coming from the painstaking life of nothing that I experienced for half a year I was able to finally continue my education with a bachelor's degree. I never really did get to experience the rest of the goals I had set myself but somehow knew there would be something stopping me for something I did not plan for.

That happened

As much as I wanted to be employed right now I guess I didn't perceive there to be any sense of error. As much as I could bicker over it my only option is to keep trying without any possibility of understanding why i've failed.

But anyway....Next year I have try and fix the whole time management thing. I'll probably organise myself a lot better and only give myself like 2 weeks to complete assignments to give myself enough time to improve. As the employment issue i'll work on that on the holidays hoping that im aware of what im doing....i really want a car. As for volunteer work I feel that i may fail in that in the volunteer work of applied interest in might have failed. Speaking of which, getting all those other things like volunteer work and running might upset my chances of getting a job.. or that's at least what my paranoia is telling me..sigh..

Gotta be way more positive for next year though. hopefully i can get some extra art work done for the holidays.

Life lesson repeat

Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa noooo.....

Just checked my score for the 3rd assignment and i did super badly ....I passed and everything but as a goal of aiming for 80's and 90's it's sot of set me back and put a hold on my confident ability in my work. At first I thought the first few subjects were going to be a breeze but I seem to have gotten cocky with myself later in the year. Time management is something I really flaw in, not just in the sense that I may not contribute enough time to projects but also in the leniency I have at the beginning of an assignments time period. I suppose there's some sort of lesson in all of this but I super hate failing. When I look around I see people who seem to succeed from not failing, which bothers me a lot as I feel that failure is the only thing bothering me.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

MED103 Ass 3 Texture map

Here's the colour texture map of the model below...for something that shouldve taken 2 weeks it only took a over damn......I feel so rushed...damn u time management

Plant Hybrid Model

Assignment 3 of modelling class. Actually turned out well for a last ditch effort by i really gotta look over time management over the holiday break